5. YOU'RE AN IDIOT
IT'S PROBABLY CLEAR THAT MOST OF THE PROBLEMS RAISED IN THE LAST WEEK COULD BE APPLIED TO MANY DISCIPLINES WITHIN THE HUMANITIES IN CURRENT HIGHER EDUCATION. IT MAY BE THAT THE PROBLEM IS NOT SO MUCH THE ENGLISH MAJOR AS THE ENGLISH MAJOR. SOMETHING IS SICK IN OUR UNIVERSITIES AND STUDENTS OF ENGLISH ARE LIKELY JUST VICTIMS OF THE PLAGUE.
WHEN ONE LOOKS AT THE RUNNING OF THE MODERN COLLEGE IT IS CLEAR THAT ITS AIMS ARE DIRECTLY AT ODDS WITH TEACHING STUDENTS TO ENGAGE WITH THE WORLD -- PAST, PRESENT OR FUTURE. THIS IS BUILT INTO THE SIMPLEST POLICIES AND FACILITIES. THE MASSIVELY-PROFITABLE DINING HALL MEANS MANY STUDENTS NEVER LEARN TO PREPARE FOOD FOR THEMSELVES, PROBABLY THE MOST PSYCHOLOGICALLY-IMPORTANT AND VITAL SKILL IN THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULT INDEPENDENCE. CRIPPLING FEES KEEP STUDENTS IN FINANCIAL SERFDOM TO THEIR PARENTS AND TO BANKS, AND TUITION-AND-BOARD PACKAGES PROTECT THEM FROM EVERYDAY TRIVIALITIES LIKE BALANCING A BUDGET TO COVER GROCERIES, UTILITIES PAYMENTS, MEDICAL BILLS. HONOUR COUNCILS AND SPECIALIZED CAMPUS POLICE EXIST NOT ONLY TO PROTECT THEIR INSTITUTION'S REPUTATION, BUT TO PROTECT RICH WHITE TEENAGERS FROM THE SOCIETAL CONSEQUENCES OF IRRESPONSIBLE AND ILLEGAL ACTIONS, A SERVICE AFFORDED TO NO OTHER YOUTH DEMOGRAPHIC. OUR STUDENTS ARE DELIBERATELY TRAPPED IN ARTIFICIAL INFANCY.
THEIR TEACHERS ARE NO BETTER. THE PROFESSORS OF TODAY ARE SHEER PARODY OF THE GREAT SCHOLARS OF THE FIRST HALF OF LAST CENTURY. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO READ SCHOLARSHIP FROM THE 1860S THROUGH TO THE LATE 1950S AND NOT FEEL THE TREMENDOUS LOSS OUR DARK AGE HAS SUFFERED. THERE IS A CLEAR AND OMNIPRESENT ASSUMPTION IN THESE WORKS THAT A SCHOLAR IS A PERSON WHO KNOWS BY HEART EUROPEAN CULTURAL AND POLITICAL HISTORY IN DEPTH AND ACROSS ALL PERIODS, WHO HAS READING FLUENCY IN GREEK, LATIN, FRENCH, GERMAN AND ITALIAN, WHO IS A JUDICIOUS AND LEARNED CRITIC OF MUSIC, DRAMA, LITERATURE AND PAINTING. NOW THIS SEEMS LIKE AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. IT IS THE WORK OF A DOCTORATE TO GAIN BASIC EXPERTISE IN ANY ONE OF THESE TOPICS -- THERE ARE TOO MANY CONFERENCES TO ATTEND TO WASTE TIME PORING OVER HISTORY BOOKS, TOO MANY TEN-PAGE ARTICLES TO CRANK OUT TO BOTHER WITH ANOTHER LANGUAGE.
WHEN A DICTATOR COMES TO POWER IT IS TRADITIONAL FOR HIM TO KILL INTELLECTUALS. THIS TRAIL OF BLOOD RUNS FROM CICERO'S HANDS ON THE ROSTRA TO THE PURGES IN ITALY, RUSSIA AND GERMANY IN THE EARLIER PART OF LAST CENTURY, AND IN IRAN, CAMBODIA AND CHILE IN THE LATTER PART. AND YET IT IS DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE, IN OUR CENTURY, HOW ANYBODY COULD CONSIDER THE UNIVERSITY A POLITICAL THREAT. WE ARE TAUGHT BY AND TAUGHT TO BE THE MOST HARMLESS, INCOMPETENT AND INACTIVE THINKERS THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. THE FEW SCHOLARS WHO ARE LEARNED IN WORLD HISTORY AND POLITICS ARE ENGAGED IN WRITING MINI-ESSAYS FOR AN AUDIENCE OF TEN. THE ONLY THING APPROACHING POLITICAL IDEOLOGY ON OUR COLLEGE CAMPUSES IS A SMUG, DETACHED, PARALYZED AND AHISTORICAL LIBERAL PARANOIA, FOR THAT IS THE ONLY POSSIBLE RATIONALIZATION AVAILABLE TO PEOPLE WHOSE FINANCIAL SECURITY RESTS ON THE EXPLOITATION OF THE POOR.
STUDENTS ARE SYSTEMATICALLY ISOLATED FROM THE WORLD AROUND THEM, AS THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN BEFORE, NOT ONLY IN THEIR LIFESTYLES BUT IN THEIR STUDIES. THE ANALYSIS OF NEW ARTFORMS (LIKE RAP MUSIC) AND NEW, REVOLUTIONARY DEVELOPMENTS IN OLD ONES (AS IN DANCE) SHOULD BE THE INALIENABLE PROVINCE OF THE GENERATION THAT HAS GROWN UP STEEPED IN THEM, AS ROCK'N'ROLL WAS FOR THE BOOMERS. BUT THE STUDENT-RUN PUBLICATIONS OF THE SIXTIES AND SEVENTIES, WHICH REVELED IN SUCH CRITICAL ANALYSES OF CONTEMPORARY ART AND CULTURE, HAVE DISAPPEARED; THEY HAVE BEEN COLONIZED BY CULTURAL STUDIES; THE MILQUETOAST MUMBLING OF CHILDREN OF THE 50S AND 60S USING THEORIES OF THE 70S AND 80S TO MISREAD A CULTURE THAT WAS STILL SITTING AT THE BACK OF THE BUS WHEN THEY ENTERED HIGH SCHOOL.
TODAY, IN THE IMPERIAL FORTRESSES OF OUR COLLEGE CAMPUSES, IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE YOUTH CULTURE, YOU SIGN UP TO LEARN IT FROM A MINCING WHITE PhD IN A $1200 COURSE CALLED "BALLERS AND B-GIRLS: HIP-HOP, YOUTH IDENTITIES AND THE TRANSGRESSIVE POLITICS OF LANGUAGE." GONE IS THE ULTIMATE HUMANIZING EXPERIENCE: VISCERAL INVOLVEMENT WITH THE PRESENT. THE WORLD IS ONLY AVAILABLE PRECHEWED; MASHED WITH THE CAREERISM OF MIDDLE-AGED MEN AND WOMEN AND REGURGITATED INTO THE SQUEALING MOUTHS OF OLD CHILDREN WHO HAVE MISTAKEN THEMSELVES FOR YOUNG ADULTS. IN FLAPPING TO BECOME HISTORIANS OF THE PRESENT, OUR PROFESSORS HAVE FORSAKEN THEIR AUTHENTIC RESPONSIBILITIES AS GUARDIANS OF OUR RICH AND COMPLEX PAST. THEY ARE BARELY TREADING WATER IN THE GREAT RIVER OF HUMAN HISTORY, AND, IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE, THEY WILL PULL YOU DOWN WITH THEM.
EVERY YEAR AT COMMENCEMENTS AND WELCOMING CEREMONIES THE WORLD OVER, BEGINNING AND GRADUATING STUDENTS ARE TOLD THAT THEY HAVE PARTICIPATED, OR ARE ABOUT TO PARTICIPATE, IN THE STREAM OF LEARNING THAT PASSED FROM THE GREEKS AND ROMANS THROUGH THE GREAT SCHOLARS OF THE ISLAMIC GOLDEN AGE TO THE MONASTIC ORDERS OF THE MIDDLE AGES, AND FROM THERE TO THE HEIGHTS OF EUROPEAN INTELLECTUAL ACHIEVEMENT IN THE RENAISSANCE, WHOSE SURVIVAL IN THE ENLIGHTENMENT ACADEMY HAS LEAD TO THE MODERN WESTERN COLLEGE EDUCATION. IT IS AN OUTRAGEOUS AND BAREFACED LIE. THE CONTEMPORARY ACADEMIC SCENE BEARS NO RELATION TO THE HISTORY IT SO EAGERLY CLAIMS AND SO RARELY KNOWS. THE STREAM IS DRY.
THE FIRST WESTERN UNIVERSITIES, THE LYCEUM OF ARISTOTLE AND PLATO'S ACADEMY, WERE PLACES OF WORSHIP. BOTH WERE BUILT IN SACRED GROVES, ONE APOLLO'S AND THE OTHER ATHENA'S: ART AND WISDOM. THERE WERE NO FEES, NO TIMETABLES, NO ASSESSMENTS AND NO GRADES. NO TENURE, NO PUBLICATION, NO PAY. CERTAINLY NO GRADUATION: JUST PEOPLE READING AND TALKING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THINGS THEY FOUND INTERESTING -- HOW DO YOU GRADUATE FROM THINKING?
NO SURPRISE, PERHAPS, THAT IT WAS THE BRUTE-BRAINED, OLD-MONEY CAREERIST SULLA WHO TORE THOSE OLIVE TREES UP THREE CENTURIES LATER, GRINDING ALL THE GLORY OF ATHENS' GOLDEN PAST TO DUST WITH WHICH TO GILT HIS BLOODY PRESENT. INDEED, IT WOULD TAKE A SYSTEM LIKE LATE-REPUBLICAN ROME TO PRODUCE SUCH A CRETIN: A SOCIETY WHERE STATUS WAS AWARDED BY ADVANCEMENT UP THE CURSUS HONORUM, WHERE SUCH ADVANCEMENT COULD ONLY BE ATTAINED WITH AGE, WITH BOUGHT FRIENDS, WITH PHANTOM PRESTIGE AND MEANINGLESS ACCOLADES; WHERE SUCCESS MEANT CONSEQUENCE-FREE FINANCIAL EXPLOITATION OF THE PEOPLE YOU WERE SENT TO LEAD AND GOVERN; WHERE THE GREAT MAN WAS THE SKILLFUL LIAR, THE ONE MOST WILLING TO FLATTER HIS SUPERIORS AND SLAUGHTER HIS RIVALS...
IT IS CLEAR THAT THE MODERN ACADEMY IS ALSO DESTINED FOR A FALL. WITH ITS CLUBS AND CLASSES FOR STUDENTS AND ITS CONFERENCES AND CAREERISM FOR TEACHERS, IT IS COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE AS A METHOD OF LEARNING. YOU CANNOT LEARN SOCIALLY. LEARNING IS SOLITUDE. ONLY AFTER SILENT YEARS IN THE LIBRARY CAN YOU COME FORTH AND SPEAK OF WHAT YOU KNOW. WHAT YOU GET FROM A GREAT BOOK, A GREAT PAINTING, YOU CAN'T GET SECONDHAND. YOU CAN'T WIN IT IN AN EXAM ROOM AND YOU CERTAINLY CAN'T BUY IT BY THE CREDIT-HOUR. WHAT YOU LEARN IN A LECTURE HALL YOU WILL NEVER GENUINELY POSSESS; IT IS TOO GRUBBY WITH THE HANDS OF OTHER PEOPLE. LEARNING SOMETHING IN A CLASSROOM IS LIKE SITTING DOWN ON A PUBLIC TOILET AND FINDING THE SEAT ALREADY WARM.
THEREFORE STUDENT: I TELL THEE THAT WHEN THOU LEARNEST, THOU SHALT NOT BE AS THE HYPOCRITES ARE, FOR THEY LOVE TO LEARN BLABBERING IN THEIR CLASSROOMS AND CLUB MEETINGS. FUCK YOUR EXTRACURRICS. FUCK YOUR 4.0. LAY NOT UP FOR YOURSELVES TREASURES ON EARTH.
FOR THOSE OF YOU HIGHER UP IN ACADEMIA, TAKE YOUR CANDLE OUT FROM UNDER THAT FUCKING BUSHEL. YOU ARE BUILT FOR BETTER THINGS THAN PANDERING TO TEENAGERS AND ADDING LINES TO YOUR CV. WRITE NOT VAIN REPETITIONS, AS THE CONFERENCE-HOPPERS DO: FOR THEY THINK THAT THEY SHALL BE HEARD FOR THEIR MUCH SPEAKING. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SEE THE HUMANITIES AS USELESS AND START BEING USEFUL. YOU ARE THE SALT OF THE EARTH, BUT IF THE SALT HATH LOST ITS SAVOUR, THEN IT IS GOOD FOR NOTHING, AND IT SHOULD BE TRODDEN UNDER THE FOOT OF MEN. EXCEPT YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS SHALL EXCEED THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF THE SCRIBES AND PHARISEES, YE SHALL IN NO CASE ENTER INTO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.
THE BLIND CARNIVAL OF MODERN EDUCATION WILL DANCE ITSELF OFF A CLIFF. WHEN THE STUDENT LOAN SYSTEM COLLAPSES, AS IS ABSOLUTELY INEVITABLE, THE COLLEGE WILL CRUMBLE, AND EVERY PERSON IT HAS EMPLOYED OR PRETENDED TO EDUCATE WILL SUFFER FOR IT. IT HAS BUILT ITS HOUSE UPON THE SAND. THE RAIN SHALL DESCEND. THE FLOODS SHALL COME. THE WINDS SHALL BLOW AND BEAT UPON THAT HOUSE, AND IT SHALL FALL.
AND GREAT WILL BE THE FALL OF IT.
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